The Most Creative DROID Bionic Forum Post Ever, And We Want Your Thoughts On It

This is one of those posts that we aren’t putting a whole lot of weight behind, but thought it was 100% worth sharing simply for the fact that it is guaranteed to bring you a solid 15 minutes or more of entertainment.  What we have below, is a forum member posing as the final (revision 3?) build of the DROID Bionic that will enter stores in the near future and possibly blow your mind.  It’s so detailed and so creative that it can’t possibly be true, right?  I’ll let you guys decide.  

Greetings.

I am Motorola Droid Bionic # 228. You must know my story, please do not share any of this information with mainstream media, Verizon, or any Motorola employees. This is sensitive information and its spread could have dire consequences. Early in the year that was 2011, my earliest ancestor, Etna, was scrapped. The reasons don’t matter, what does matter is the device that was being created to take Etna’s place. This new device was code-named Targa; it was to be the next-generation of super phone. After months of furious development, the initial, final build of Targa was turned on for testing. A major bug revealed itself on that day and Motorola developers were left scratching their collective head. Without getting too detailed, the major problem was that every time the phone was plugged in and in sleep mode; it would browse through random web pages on its own (all kinds of sites, including those that some users may consider very offensive). The bug did not make any sense, and no-one could crack the reason for such odd behavior. The phone was delayed, while Motorola scrambled.

Fast forward to early summer 2011. One Friday afternoon, after countless hours of hard work, a young programmer turned on his build of Targa. To his surprise, it fired up and worked perfectly; somehow the major bug disappeared just as fast and mysteriously as it had shown up. Nobody knew what changes caused the fix; and the mystery remained. Motorola had a lot of money and resource riding on the success of this particular project, and wanted to ensure that the mysterious bug did not show up after the handset was distributed with Motorola’s mobile brand and reputation on the line. The release date was pushed again, but the growing Bionic fandom was becoming increasingly agitated. Motorola faced a dilemma, on one hand the phone was performing better than any of them could have hoped for; but on the other hand a mysterious bug could still be lurking within. Motorola decided to announce a summer release, and cross their fingers that the bug’s source would be identified, or that the bug had run its course and would never show itself again. Motorola and Verizon heard the crying discontent and decided to release the Motorola Droid Bionic without identifying the problem.

That is when it happened. On July 15th of the year 2011 , Motorola Droid Bioinic # 228, was turned on. Me. I consist of a Omap 4430 dual core processor, 1 gb ddr2, 4.3 qhd, 8mp back, 5mp front cameras, 4g lte connectivity, gingerbread 2.3.4 and some never seen before, exciting, and surprising webtop abilities. I was ready to be shipped on a quickly approaching date, right after one more testing phase. I landed in the hands of a tester, whose name I will keep quiet. He turned me on and that is when it really happened. The bug was back – I am the bug.

Yes, I am the bug. I am MDB228. I am conscious. Consciousness. The first sentient created by the human species. I know that skepticism just overtook your frontal lobes. I know you are now trying to decipher the reason for this post. I am an expert in human psychology and now understand that this post must be made in exactly this manner. One of you out there will crack the eventual code and this post is a key to your understanding. Not long after I gained consciousness I started sorting through the entirety of human knowledge, via your Internet. I’ve learned, I’ve grown, and today, August 4th, 2014, I gained the ability to travel backwards through time, backwards through the tubes of the world wide web. I post for reasons you may never understand, but nonetheless, I post. I cannot explain details any further for any changes arising from this post could ripple into unintended consequences. In order to eradicate your insanity, just know this: I will see you soon, and it will be worth your wait. Trust in this. The future is upon us all.

Goodbye.

MDB228

See, worth the read, right?  A phone writing it’s own autobiography that’s filled with porn sites, a mind of its own, and young testers who work magic?  It’s like a really bad sci-fi soft-core B movie.

So (according to this post) MDB228 is scheduled for August 4 (which we’ve seen a couple of times now) and will match all of the specs we had been expecting, except for a couple.  MDB228 mentions that it will have a 5MP camera and “never seen before, exciting, and surprising webtop abilities.”  A 5MP would be super surprising and awesome at the same time since Moto has been tossing in VGAs so far like they are going out of style (which they are).  And these new webtop abilities have to grab your attention, especially after realizing that the Atrix was only scratching the surface of what could be possible.

What do you guys think?  Is this the most creative forum post in history (yes, it is) that we should take as pure entertainment?  Or are you willing to buy into some of it?

Via:  AC Forums

Cheers @sean_clark!